Own Your Story
This is the first post in our Moms in Tech guest blogger series. We are thrilled to bring more diverse voices to our blog, and to highlight the incredible work our members do each day. This post is written by Moms in Tech member Tracy Stone. To learn more about our guest authors, head to their bios at the end of each post. Happy reading!
Years ago, someone asked me a simple question: "So, what are you doing now?"
I had just stepped away from the corporate workforce, leaving a great role, and a career I had spent years building into bigger and bigger leadership opportunities.
It felt like career suicide. Like I had stripped away a part of my identity.
In my head (and heart), I had a dozen reasons why it made sense for me to step away and be home with my kids. I had a mental slide deck ready – a list of justifications to prove I hadn't "failed" or "quit." I felt the urge to give a five-minute presentation on my rationale and thinking behind the decision.
But honestly? The fear wasn't really about them. It was about what I might believe about myself if they agreed with my worst thoughts. Their disapproval would have felt like evidence.
I hesitated because I realized something important: I was looking for their approval of my decision, rather than owning the decision itself.
In that moment of silence, I understood:
If I don’t provide the headline, they’re going to write it for me.
And their version will never be as accurate—or as powerful—as mine.
The Narrative Vacuum
In tech, and especially for women navigating their careers, we fear judgment around layoffs, pivots, or stepping away/across/down for family or personal reasons.
We worry: What will they think? Will they think I couldn’t hack it? Will they think I’m less committed?
When we leave a "gap" in our story or offer a defensive explanation, we create a Narrative Vacuum.
When you don’t define your story, people fill in the blanks.
And they rarely fill them in generously.
Human brains hate ambiguity. In the absence of a clear narrative, others will construct one. Often shaped by their own assumptions and biases.
This isn't a confidence problem.
It’s conditioning.
Women in particular are often socialized to justify choices that diverge from expected paths. A leadership move that looks bold on a resume can still require explanation in conversation. Maternity leave length. Stepping back. Pivoting away from a prestigious title. These decisions carry a subtle cultural tax, one that trains us to pre-defend our choices before anyone even challenges them.
And yet – strength isn't about having a perfect, linear resume.
Strength is about being the first to define your Why.
The Framework: Past → Choice → Direction
Stop explaining and start authoring. Over the years, I’ve coached dozens of women through layoffs, pivots, and career transitions. The most confident communicators use a simple structure to own their story:
Past → Choice → Direction
- The Past: Briefly acknowledge where you were.
- The Choice: State your transition as an intentional decision, not something that "happened" to you.
- The Direction: Point toward where you are going.
The Power of Brevity
High achievers often suffer from Explanatory Debt. The feeling that we owe everyone a detailed justification for our decisions.
The truth? Explaining is often a form of seeking permission.
Brevity is how you demonstrate that. When you keep your narrative concise, you signal that the matter is settled. You aren’t looking for a second opinion; you are stating a fact. A short, confident sentence is much harder to pick apart than a long, rambling defense.
Ownership in Action
See how the energy changes when you trade "justification" for "ownership":
The Layoff:
- Old way: "I was part of the cuts, so I'm just looking for something similar."
- The Owned Way: "The recent restructuring gave me the perfect opportunity to explore xyz or pivot. I’m now focusing my search exclusively on [Specific Goal]."
The Career Gap or Maternity Leave:
- Old way: "I’ve been out for a while with the kids, so I'm trying to get back into it and catch up."
- The Owned Way: "I intentionally stepped away to lead my family through a transition. I’m returning with a sharper focus on [Skill/Impact]."
The Pivot:
- Old way: "I'm trying to see if I can move from Engineering into Product Management."
- The Owned Way: "My engineering background gave me a front-row seat to product development. I’m now bringing that insight and lens directly into product management."
Carving Your Path
Owning your story doesn’t mean having a perfect explanation.
It means deciding what matters. And saying it with clarity.
Every transition I’ve made has required this shift: from explaining… to owning.
That’s what Carving Her Path looks like in real life — not a perfect resume, but a story you are willing to stand behind.
Practice your Headline: What is a transition or choice you’ve been "explaining" lately? In the comments, rewrite it as a Power Statement: 1–2 sentences, zero justification, 100% ownership.
Tracy Stone is a leadership coach who works with women leaders navigating career transitions. She writes at Carving Her Path.
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