Resources for Talking to Kids About Doing the Right Thing
Our community is deep in discussion about the 2024 sexual assault at Cornell University and ensuing fallout. Members are supporting one another in a number of ways, both offering listening ears to those who have personal experience dealing with assault and discussing how to best educate our children about these issues.
Conversations with our children about safety, bullying, and looking out for both themselves and others feel more important than ever. In a thread in our main group, moms are chiming in to share how they approach these issues, and how they are talking to their children. One member mentioned how she talks to her kids about the dangers of peer pressure, and the importance of being your own person versus falling victim to groupthink. Another mom emphasized the importance of talking about consent with children and starting these conversations at younger ages.
It’s not always easy to broach these topics with our kids, or even to know how to start the discussion. Our members weren’t shy and offered a number of resources, including videos, books, and articles that helped them in their talks with their kids. We wanted to compile what has been shared in our community into this post that we hope will help moms navigating this feel less alone.
Videos and Online Resources
A simple, straightforward video that approaches the topic of consent through the metaphor of making someone a cup of tea. This is a great way to ease into talking about consent for those who will be raising the issue for the first time.
This short YouTube video came highly recommended from moms as an easily accessible way to speak to boys and young men about the importance of vulnerability and honesty about their emotions. It encourages boys to step out of “the man box” that pushes them to silence their emotion, and promotes working together to build a culture free of sexism.
Raising a Boy in Trump’s America
Lyz Lenz’s Patreon, “Men Yell At Me,” is an excellent resource in general, but her recent post, “Raising a Boy in Trump’s America” is particularly resonant. She writes honestly about parenting her two teens and how she navigates talking frankly with her kids about sexual assault, group chats, and speaking up for others. She ends the piece with recommendations for further reading that is also worth a read.
Attachment Nerd on Speaking to Boys
Attachment Nerd is a licensed therapist whose Facebook account focuses on the art and science of connecting, healing, and hoping. A mom of three herself, she role-plays in her Reel on how she talks to her sons about consent, cruelty, and how to speak up in groups when needed to protect others.
Though a few years old, this New York Times article by Claire Cain Miller continues to be an excellent resource for understanding the dichotomy between what our sons and daughters are conditioned to believe in childhood. Quoting Gloria Steinem’s “I’m glad we’ve begun to raise our daughters more like our sons, but it will never work until we raise our sons more like our daughters,” Miller’s article offers practical steps to begin raising sons like daughters. From “let him cry,” to “speak up when others are intolerant,” there are plenty of useful tips that can quickly be applied to your own parenting.
A Call to Men TED Talk by Tony Porter
Well worth the watch, Tony Porter’s TED Talk from 2010 is unfortunately still as relevant as ever. Making a call to men everywhere to not “act like a man,” Porter tells powerful stories from his own life experiences and dismantles the mentality so many boys are taught that can lead to disrespect and mistreatment of women.
Books
Chanel Miller’s gripping memoir that details her own assault on the Stanford campus was lauded as a must-read for teen boys and girls. Miller’s first-hand experience offers an in-depth view not only of the immediate aftermath of an assault, but how it continues to affect a person in myriad ways for years.
- Content note: this book includes frank first-hand descriptions of sexual assault and is not recommended for readers for whom this may be triggering.
Sonora Jha doesn’t shy away from difficult conversations, and her book offers readers a practical approach to have some of the hardest conversations with their children. Celebrated as a “beautiful hybrid of memoir, manifesto, instruction manual,” this book is an excellent place to start if you’re just beginning to research the topic. She shares plenty of additional resources to help continue the conversation with your kids.
BoyMom was celebrated as an important book for moms of boys navigating the challenges of raising them in such a fraught political and cultural environment. Author Ruth Whippman explores the loneliness epidemic, rising suicide rates, and other challenges and pressures faced by today’s boys. Her wide range of interviews make this book both accessible and impactful for those looking to better understand modern boyhood.
Sex, Teens, & Everything in Between
This book, by Shafia Zaloom, was recommended as a comprehensive guide for helping teens navigate topics like consent, sexual harassment, and healthy relationships. The teen-focused approach and nonjudgemental tone speaks directly to teenagers. Updated information and examples do a good job of reflecting today’s realities.
This short, accessible manual by celebrated poet and intellectual bell hooks explains feminism for a mainstream audience. In the book, hooks explores the positive promise of feminism to eliminate issues like sexism and sexual exploitation. Mentioned by our community as a primer on the topic, this is a good read for those new to discussing feminism and helps draw parallels for how we can speak to our children about it.
This book, by Rosalind Wiseman, offers bold insight into how boys think, and how those who support them can help boys overcome challenges in their lives in healthy ways. She discusses “Boy World,” and how boys are often stuck in an impossible situation when it comes to wanting to express emotion or pain with adults and peers. A must-read for moms, Wiseman’s book offers coping strategies and tips on how to empower boys to develop into the most positive, authentic versions of themselves.
Regardless of which speaks most directly to you and your family situation, we hope at least one or two options stand out to help you approach these difficult topics with your children. Speaking to our kids directly about consent is a first step in unwinding a culture of silence or avoidance of these topics. Teaching these concepts early is one way to help approach these topics honestly, and in a way that can become second nature.
Discussion
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